


6 Years

by tenmillionotters



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Hotel Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Houji/Yan, human!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 18:02:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9503792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/pseuds/tenmillionotters
Summary: There had been a time where he was different, the time before he came to this country to start over new. It had been six years by now. Six years since his brother Yan had left him and his family in this horrible state of dread and guilt, six years since he had taken his own life leaving all of them behind with questions and the remains of what was once a happy family.Tatara knew that he shouldn’t think of it now but in every quiet moment, in every second that work didn’t occupy most of his day he couldn’t help but think of his brother. Lost in thought with a mind that was clouded up by self pity he didn’t recognise the man that just walked past him.Just when he spoke out his name so softly it felt like reality slapped him and reminded him that the world around him still existed, no matter how bad he wanted it to vanish forever. “H-Houji…?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> As requested by a very dear friend of mine

“You can take the afternoon off -” Eto adjusted her glasses and looked up at Tatara who was seemingly surprised. “I am not as heartless as you think I am, you've done a great job, go out or something…” Then she focused on her work again, not paying any attention to him. 

Well, now that he got the chance he should at least try to enjoy the time he did not spend in the office that Eto had rented for them. While he quietly slipped into his jacket he took one last look around, Naki was fighting his daily battle with the printer again, sometimes he question why he was even part of their staff. 

Their apprentice Seidou didn’t really seem to enjoy himself but he was at least trying his best. But now none of it should bother him anymore, his work for the day was done and it was time to go. Not home, it wasn't like anyone waited for him in his small apartment. The last time he had a date was… he actually never been on one. He vaguely remembered having one or two hookups in his life, but that was it. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

All he got as a reply was a weak attempt of a nod from one of the Bin twins. They were pretty young but they did their work and that was all that mattered to him. 

Tatara ran down the stairs and felt his shoulder bag bump into his hip, did he forget something...? He looked up and his eyes met their own reflection in the clear glass door. When was the last time he ate a proper meal and got enough sleep? It wasn't like Eto forced them to work 24/7, no he just was out of it. He didn't want to live but he still kept on going. 

There had been a time where he was different, the time before he came to this country to start over new. It had been six years by now. Six years since his brother Yan had left him and his family in this horrible state of dread and guilt, six years since he had taken his own life leaving all of them behind with questions and the remains of what was once a happy family. 

Tatara knew that he shouldn’t think of it now but in every quiet moment, in every second that work didn’t occupy most of his day he couldn’t help but think of his brother. Lost in thought with a mind that was clouded up by self pity he didn’t recognise the man that just walked past him. 

Just when he spoke out his name so softly it felt like reality slapped him and reminded him that the world around him still existed, no matter how bad he wanted it to vanish forever. “H-Houji…?” 

The man walked over to him and smiled. “So it was really you, you’ve grown a lot since we’ve last seen.” Back then he was 22 and Tatara was 16. Now he was 28 years old and Tatara 22. It felt like a mirrored travesty of the first time he had met Yan, Houji was 22 back then and Yan 28. 

“Y-Yes… t-thank you… I…” Did he still have this crush on his brother’s ex-boyfriend…? It was never official but everyone knew that Yan and Houji were lovers, he would never forget how Houji broke down at his brother’s funeral, how he cried and screamed, it wasn’t like him but the pain was unbearable.

“Are you busy right now? Or would you mind catching up with me… you know I am curious how you’ve been all these years. How comes you’re in Japan?” He started laughing as he saw how much Tatara struggled with trying to comprehend what Houji just asked him. “If you’re free, how about we’ll grab some lunch and take our time to chat while we’re at it, hm?” 

“Yes, that sounds like a fantastic idea.” 

Grabbing some lunch sounded like going to a fast food restaurant and not a traditional and expensive one. 

“Don’t be so dense, Tatara-kun, I’ll pay for you.” 

It wasn’t that he was worried about the aspect of paying for lunch, it was the sheer fact that he hated places like this. When his family was still… complete, they used to go to placed like this one all the time. They just didn’t care about how much money they’d spend as long as the food was good. 

Nowadays he lived on instant ramen and cheap rice. Every now and then he cooked up something fancier, recently he found out that he really liked Korean food, it was often spicy enough to numb his mouth completely, unlike Japanese food. “... Japanese food always reminds me of you…” 

“Oh, it does?” Houji smiled as Tatara took off his face mask. “There we go… I missed seeing your face.” 

Was he flirting with him right now or was he just being kind? His mouth felt dry and he ordered green tea, Houji prefered white tea. No alcohol, he said it was way too early for things like that. He wasn’t wrong, was he? 

“... how is work these days…?” Tatara remembered that he worked for the Washuu clan, one of Japan’s wealthiest and most influential families when it came to trade. If it weren’t for Yan’s suicide he might have ended up like one of the Washuu heirs, married to another child of a wealthy family in order to expand the families empire. 

“Good! The new director isn’t such a demon.” Houji laughed and gazed at Tatara. “He married one of my co-workers recently… seems like true love really conquers all.” 

Did it…? “Mhm… maybe for some people…” Not that he wanted to be negative or anything, but all this time he had been in love with a man that was practically out of reach for him and now they were sitting at the same table and eating lunch together almost as if … “This is like a date, isn’t it?” The tea burned his tongue, but the words still hurt him worse. 

“Not really no… I’d organised something better than this if I had only known that you wanted to go on a date with me.” 

He was still a sly devil, Houji always knew what he had to say and while Tatara admired him for it when they were still younger, he hated him for it now because it only meant that his emotions were boiling up once more, flowing over and clouding up his mind. 

“Tatara.” All of the sudden his voice had a completely different tune, he sounded so sober and cold. “I am not saying this because I see you as some kind of replacement for Yan.” 

“Are you saying that for my sake or… are you trying to convince yourself?” 

Is what he should have said, but he didn't have the heart to do it, he wanted to believe that the man he had longed for for so long actually had the same feelings for him too. “I'm glad.” Was all he could say in the end. 

It had been ages since he ate such expensive meals, even though they didn't drink he felt intoxicated, he couldn't keep his eyes off Houji who smiled at him warmly but there was something dark and deep inside his eyes, something that left no room for questions. But questions would always linger on his mind, his lips… no matter how hard Houji tried to kiss them away. 

The hotel smelled clean, unlike Tatara expected of a place like this. Love hotels, huh? Everyone went there but nobody wanted to admit it, one time they went there because of research for one of Eto’s books, but nobody had sex there and now he felt like he was on the center of a huge stage in the bright spotlight and the only person that watched him was Houji. 

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t feel like it.” He said while he took his tie off, staring at Tatara with this gaze that set his insides on fire. Houji was an incredibly attractive man, meanwhile Tatara did almost nothing to stay in shape but still… someone like Houji gave him a look that made him want to give up everything and just vanish in his embrace. 

“... I always wanted to do it with you though…” His mouth felt dirty, he shouldn’t be saying things like that. “Ever since I first saw you… I love… Yan but I was always so jealous of what he had with you and -” 

“Shh… shhh… it’s okay…” The older man’s fingers dug deep into his shoulder blades as he pushed him back into the bed. “... I… can’t give you what Yan and I had… but I’ll give you something nobody else will ever have.” 

What was he talking about…? His heart? … all the love he kept deep since the day that Yan left this world so suddenly? Or was he nothing more but an outlet for his lust…? He felt Houji’s hands run over his chest, slowly undressing him, stopping as he touched his crotch. 

“You’re so hard… mind if I - ?”

“N-No… g-go ahead…” God, why was he so nervous…? But actually seeing Houji undress him and gaze at him when he was the most vulnerable was nothing compared to all of his fantasies. “H-Houji -” How could he just put his dick in his mouth with so much ease? Tatara whimpered and pressed his hand on his mouth, this might be a love hotel but still he was scared that anyone would hear them and when he was honest… he was scared of hearing his own voice, giving into the pleasure of sleeping with his brother’s boyfriend. 

Ex-boyfriend… they never broke up but Yan was dead. Should he feel bad for doing this…? Why did Houji stop all of the sudden…? 

“You’re so dense.” He slipped off the bed and walked to the drawers. “Relax, I promise I’ll be gentle with you. Ah… there it is…” As soon as he had found what he was looking for he walked back to Tatara. “Now take a deep breath, the more you relax the better it’ll feel…” 

A suppressed scream escaped Tatara as he felt Houji’s finger slip into him, while his fingers stretched him out his mouth eagerly sucked up all the pre-cum that was oozing out of the younger man’s cock. 

Didn’t he feel any shame doing this…? Nothing at all? Tatara’s face turned red and he was sure he’d come soon, but then Houji stopped. 

“... it’s no use…” 

He didn’t like it… 

“I want you so much I can’t wait anymore.” 

The next thing Tatara knew was that he was sitting on top of Houji while he slowly moved his hips, not because he was scared of going faster but he just couldn’t believe what he was seeing with his own two eyes, the man he loved for so long was lying underneath him, smiling at him while they had sex. 

Did they fuck or did they make love…? Did Houji even know of his feelings for him or did he think - 

“I -” 

“... shhh…” He pressed his finger on the younger man’s lips and smiled. 

“B-But I love you…” Large tears rolled down his cheeks and he grabbed Houji’s hands, he moved faster and the harder he moved inside of him the louder he screamed the words. Over and over again, so many times they’d burn into Houji’s memories. 

“Tatara…” He let go of his hands and wrapped his arms around his trembling body as he pulled him down on his chest. “... I love you too.” Did he lie or was he honest now? He couldn’t even tell, all this time he had felt empty. He felt empty until he met Tatara again, Tatara who had grown up to be an exact lookalike of his older brother… but that’s where it stopped. He was nothing like Yan. There was nothing of his warmth, the calmness or the fire burning deep inside of him. Instead… there was this insecure young man, but God… it felt so good just to hold him. 

Tatara’s fingers sunk deep into the mattress while he felt Houji’s hips thrusting against his own, it was a hypnotizing feeling, something that numbed and excited him in equal measures. “It feels so good -” 

“Do you like that?” He pressed the words through his teeth and grabbed his lover’s ass. “Then I’ll make you feel even better…” Soft kisses against his neck, his tongue teasing the sensitive spot behind his ear and his cock filling him up until there was no space left should be enough to make him forget about everything he was thinking about just a few hours ago. They needed to let go, both of them. 

Tatara’s voice sounded so sweet, when he moaned it sound like he was whining, but there was so much pleasure to it that Houji couldn’t help but move harder every time he moaned louder. It felt amazing, pleasure and guilt danced with each other and laughed at Houji, regret would follow him for the rest of his days, that’s what they promised him now but by God he didn’t care. 

“Can I come inside…?” 

“Y-Yes -” Then he would be the first one to do that… why did that thought make him smile…? “P-Please do it…” 

“Fuck…” Why was he pulling of this cute act now…? Oh, it wasn’t one. Houji let his tongue slip into his mouth while he moved harder, faster, he wanted his semen to spill out of Tatara’s ass while he’d still be pumping more into him. It had been years since he last came inside of another man, it was time to change that now. 

Tatara screamed into the kiss while he felt Houji come, it was amazing, it felt so good that he came shortly afterwards, covering both of them with hot and sticky semen. 

“... are you tired…?”

“... a little bit.” 

The room was still rented for another few hours… “Get some rest, I’ll stay with you.” There it was again, his charmful and warm smile. He wrapped his arms around Tatara once more and pressed his head against his chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too…” 

… but to whom did he address these words in the end…?


End file.
